I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
