yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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