i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
