i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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