i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
