I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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