It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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