I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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