I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
