he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
