I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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