i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
