I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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