just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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