I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
