i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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