i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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