maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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