cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
