There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
