I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
