Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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