No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
