Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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