There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize