I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
