I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
