Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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