I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
