He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
