I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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