wat bout pragnant strippers??
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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