I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
