my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
