Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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