Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
