I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
