:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize