He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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