If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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