so that wasnt chicken after all
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
