Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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