Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
