happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
