And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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