This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize