His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
