she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize