I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
