just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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