How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
