i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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