I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
