yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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