just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
