this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
