when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
