well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
