so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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