oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
