Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
