i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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