living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
