What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
