Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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