how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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