I think scott just propositioned me for sex
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hippo gnu deer
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
