We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
