i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
