after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Randomize
