he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
