please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And then my night got REAL pukey
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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