in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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