turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
