My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
