I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
