You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
