R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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