I accidentally had phone sex last night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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