Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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