If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
