If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
