first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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